How can women break the insidious cycle of relationship failure
By: Cucan Pemo
Nothing is more traumatic than seeing a relationship falling apart. It breeds suspicion, distrust and distance. A couple who could not live without each other at one point of time start finding reasons to stay away. The relationship failure is painful for both the partners. Both try to hurt each other; and the more they hurt each other the more they destroy what was once a very loving relationship.
Signs of relationship failure
It needs no special skills to understand when a relationship starts turning sour. Some of the indicators are:
1. The partners start finding fault with each other.
2. They stop listening to each other
3. They start spending more time outside the house
4. They find less and less time, and even less reason, to touch each other or reassure each other that everything is right.
5. The trust breaks down.
6. No satisfactory explanations are offered for coming late.
7. Phone calls are not returned
8. There is an attempt to hurt and wound each at the slightest possibility.
9. The mutual respect that existed for each other starts shrinking.
10. There are high expectations but no give and take.
How can women save the relationship
The onus to save a relationship rests on both the partners. One partner alone cannot save a relationship if the other is adamant of walking away. However, if the relationship is in trouble on account of misunderstandings then surely the woman in the house can save it.
The first step is to start listening to her mate. She need not flare up or show her disapproval if she does not agree to what he has to say. Instead, she must accept at face value his statements. This is not an easy task but the first critical step to assuage his male ego. No man wants to be treated lightly. He will start feeling more wanted if he finds that the woman he loves is not always on the warpath. The small conversations that ended up in bitterness and conflict will gradually start getting longer.
The next step is to show that you want your man to come closer to you. This can start by putting a little more passion in the peck that you give him when he leaves for work or the hug when he returns. He may surely be surprised, and even a little restrained to return you new found love, but there is no better way to close the gap than through touch. It can bridge the widest of distances that may divide a relationship.
You should simultaneously start finding fault with him. Don't ask him to give an explanation for coming late or staying away on weekends. Take it in your stride. Wait for him to open up.
Give the man some space
Also, give him space to unwind when he returns from work. You don't have to rush to him, and start a conversation. Every man likes some private time and space to himself. Let him avail it; let him cool down and become emotionally more ready for your light chat and banter. Avoid subjects that he thinks are frivolous; focus on issues that may interest him. Of course, don't try to fool him by trying to over reach yourself. Even silences are great for companionship. You can just pat his hair or hold his hand while he watches TV or hover close around him to make him feel wanted.
Soft music and good food can make him more relaxed. Try to play music that he likes, and cook food that he loves. You should allow him to set the pace if he wants to take you to bed. Don't push yourself on him. But let him believe that you have come to him because you wanted it. This anyway is true.
Don't try to change your man
It is important that you stop trying to change your mate. This is one mistake that most spouses make. They think that their men will change if they keep after them. Nothing can be more counterproductive. Constant nagging only leads to revolt and rebellion. Also, stop blaming your mate for anything and everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. It will only make him fight back.
You must not sound or look dishonest when you are trying to salvage the relationship. It is essential that you have full belief in what you are doing. You should gradually make him talk of why he had starting moving away from you. Once again, you don't have to push him into talking about his misgivings. You should create a situation where he wants to confess, where he wants to release the pent up feelings. This can have magical affect on your relationship. Suddenly, the ghosts that had bedeviled your relationship will be exorcised.
There will be trust again, and mutual faith. Try not to loose it again.
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