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Copied from a friend...  Your funny for your morning 😁  As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas.   He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true  I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll.  They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart.  I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse yourself.   I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?'  'You're kidding me!'  'Who would buy that?'  Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute
This mean cat cracks me
Wife wakes very late & finds husband sitting at the kitchen table staring at a cup of coffee.. she asks him what is wrong.. says, "You remember the night we 1st  made love in my old truck?"   "Yea, I was 16 & you were 20"..(wife thinking, oh my gosh)..   "you remember your dad poking his shotgun at me & threatening me with 20 years of prison or marrying you?"   "I do" she said, "but what's wrong?" as he starts crying... he said,   "I would have gotten out of prison today & be free."
Last night I said to my woman: "Damn are really dry!"  She said: "Move up a couple inches, you're lickin' the rug."
So my first husband and I decided to try counseling before we broke up.  The counselor asked if we had anything in common.  He ex popped off with “we both love pussy and hate cock.” 
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat a lot of rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies." So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help. He said,"Do you have any rye bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?" He said, "I want five loaves." The sales lady said, "My goodness... five loaves? By the time you get to the third loaf, it'll be hard." The 80-year old man replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."
 Together, we can stop this crap.
 It runs in your genes!
 Kermit The Frog's fingers!
 The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
 One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
 You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
 Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

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