Wife wakes very late & finds husband sitting at the kitchen table staring at a cup of coffee.. she asks him what is wrong.. says, "You remember the night we 1st made love in my old truck?"
"Yea, I was 16 & you were 20"..(wife thinking, oh my gosh)..
"you remember your dad poking his shotgun at me & threatening me with 20 years of prison or marrying you?"
"I do" she said, "but what's wrong?" as he starts crying... he said,
"I would have gotten out of prison today & be free."
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat a lot of rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help.
He said,"Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."
The sales lady said, "My goodness... five loaves? By the time you get to the third loaf, it'll be hard."
The 80-year old man replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."