We all have that one friend!
If you see me in bed, you whack me off. The bigger I am, the louder you scream. Seeing what’s between my hairy legs will make your skin crawl. What am I?
What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says,
"Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together, we can stop this crap.
Why is diarrhea hereditary?
It runs in your genes!
What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls?
A white Christmas!
What's long, green, and smells like bacon?
Kermit The Frog's fingers!
What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?
A beaver dam!
What did the leper say to the sex worker?
Keep the tip.
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off!
What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor!
What is Moby Dick's dad's name?
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
How is life like toilet paper?
You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
Because she outgrew her B-shells!
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by.....
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with...
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
© - 2021
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